I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
