just come out here and I will go home with you...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
