You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
