Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
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My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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