New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
