my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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