Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
