i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
