Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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