if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
