So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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