You just made me feel so damn special
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
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His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
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It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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