you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
and you fell through a lawn chair
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
