I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
