So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
