the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
