Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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