One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
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Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
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I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
this is an emotional support booty call
Holy shit dude........stairs
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