I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
