maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
