I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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