My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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