Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
