dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
