I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
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I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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