It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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