apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
