Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
