Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So squirting runs in the family.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
