I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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