You smell like a Billy Joel song
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
