I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i out mim tonsoeep
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
