omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
