So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
