I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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