I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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