So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
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I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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