Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
