Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
