i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
