I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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