conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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