I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
