Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
that's an acceptable place to lick
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
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