all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
