so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
