On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Found your dick twin last night
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
