We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize
