So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
