I love black thongs
zippers are such a cool invention
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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