She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
