She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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