I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
