Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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