My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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