I cockslap morals
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize