Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
