i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
